2 Years Gone By

Two years have gone by since I gave any thought to photographing for more than just my own memories. Two years ago I didn't really have a CLUE. :) I could see in my head what I wanted - but couldn't really make it happen in the camera. SO frustrating. I bought a bunch of books, spent countless hours online reading and researching, even MORE hours behind the camera practicing and practicing . . . and I am pleased to say that I have learned SOMETHING! :)

If nothign else, I've learned to have fun. To not be so very structured and only work withing the proverbial "box". To take chances - to try things that are new - to go ahead and step out, maybe even fail. :) SO many pictures fail . . . but with each one that doesn't work out the way it was in my head, I am able to learn something at least!

Here's Micah and Ella - almost exactly 2 years ago. They're stinking cute and I didn't really have a clue what I was doing. :) I was still shooting in the auto/program mode, trying to figure out what on EARTH the corrolation was between shutter speed, aperature, ISO - it was all so foreign to me. And yet I knew what I WANTED this picture to look like. Of course, it doesn't look ANYTHING like what was in my head - but it's a good example of at least giving it a try. :)

About 8 months after that was taken I felt like my pictures were becoming far more consistant, and I'd learned enough to do a few people's pictures here and there - but looking back even those are a little embarassing. :) I guess I thought I knew a LITTLE what I was doing - but I look at them now and can see so many failures - but without each of those, I wouldn't have learned how to do it differently. How to do it better, right?

Here's "today" - as in February 2009. This pictures isn't perfect by ANY means. But it speaks my language. :) It's so much closer to what is in my head - and it happened so fast, without much conscious thought on my behalf. My fingers know what to do, what dials to turn - I don't have to think long and hard about where settings should be - it's just "in there" - in my head, I mean. :)

To be honest, these pictures make me a little excited. :) Excited to see where I've come from. And REALLY excited to see where I might be in the next 2 years - or even 5. I have so many ideas and "dreams" - things I want to do with this. A lot of them might never happen, and that's totally OK with me - it's my dream, I can dream whatever I want, right? :) But several of them I fully intend to do my best to see them through to completion. I am not the best photographer - by ANY means. I'm not even all that fantastic. But I've gotten better - and I know that with a lot more practice and hard work, I'll learn even more.

There is ONE very important part of the equation I've left out though - kinda purposefully. Mostly because it's THE part of the equation that, without its inclusion, I would have failed miserably. I believe that to be God. I don't think it's by chance that I have a love for photography - nor by chance that I have some talent in this area. Not for a minute do I think that I got "here" all on my own either. I can't tell you HOW many of those "countless hours" I spent reading and practicing that I would sit frustrated, crying out to God saying "Does it have to be so hard? I want to do this, WANT to understand - I need help!" Sometimes I was so bummed about any lack of progress at ALL that I wouldn't even pick up the camera for several days, weeks - whatever. Eventually I'd realize that I can't possibly learn or grow if I don't even try - and that my trying (and subsequent failing) would have NO impact whatsoever on what God thought of me. :)

Kinda crazy - how taking out the "what do others think of me??" and replacing it with "What does GOD think about me" - how that simple switch can change your perspective. :) Who cares what others think about me and my photography. (OK so I DO care - but this is just some serious ramblings ok?) But really - I do not have to please every person. Shoot - I don't REALLY have to please anybody. :) I really only fail if I do NOT try, and if I don't do my best. The attitude in my heart, the words I say, my actions, the talents that I have which HE has given to me (and to each of us!) - THOSE I can use to either bring Glory to His Name, and please Him - or not.

It's embarassing to fail - almost nobody will "see" it though, because WHY would I show THOSE pictures? :) But then I can look at those pictures and say - "Thank you Lord" - He's brought me a long way, I've learned a lot - would NEVER have had ANY success what-so-ever with actually running a business - and each of those small failures will add up to the opportunity to learn and understand more. And then to try again - maybe that time I'll get it right. :)