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Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Sometimes I find it easier to just drop off the face of the earth...disappear for a little while...at least, I do that in the times when I can't quite pull myself together enough for "the outside world." Matthew asked me on Saturday if I intended to get out of my pajamas...he probably was wondering if his wife was ever going to leave the house again. I told him the truth - no. I didn't get out of my pajamas. I did EVENTUALLY...well, they frown on pajama-weaing at church....so I pulled myself together in time for Saturday evening and have done good every day since.

I find myself slipping back into the bad habit of ignoring everything around me so I don't have to deal with what is REALLY bothering me....all the while I'm miserable and would benefit from forcing myself to go one with life. But last week I didn't feel like it. And I totally indulged myself. I didn't get out of my pajamas. I didn't leave the house. I didn't cook supper...we ate a LOT of pb&j and cereal. The kids came and went with their grandmas and I worked - because I HAD to do that - but anything that I could let slide, I did. I'm better now though. :) Matthew's wife is now dressed again and leaves the house- ha! Poor guy....although he knows me, and he probably expected this out of me.

Last week when Sarah & Markus and the kids left I totally went into this wierd period. I think part of it, too, was because one week later (yesterday) I knew my other sisters, Joanna and Lydia, would be leaving as well. Fortunately, I got all of the sadness & whatnot out of my system last week. So far I'm good with this week. Joanna and Lydia left yesterday with my parents...it's so sad to see them go but I KNOW they are doing what is best for them. They'll have a great time in Chicago together, it'll give them time to reconnect...but now I'm losing both of them too. :) But - never fear - I'm not sayign this to complain. I'm just saying it to, well, explain. I didn't feel like blogging. I didn't hav anythign to say. (Obviously I still don't!) But I will. :)

I have several things to blog about and will be doign that this week....a couple of weddings, lots from the holidays with the kids...sessions that I've never gotten around to sharing....so I'm going to make a point to get out of bed each day, GET DRESSED, and move on with my day.

Oh. And one other thing. I'm working out with Kim Kimmig - she's the local "Baby Boot Camp" trainer and she's going to help me get back into shape. :) It's funny....I have forgotten what it feels like to have every single part of you - even your finger muscles! - hurt so bad. :) That's a good thing....and I'll blog about that too. Off to get out of my pjs and put little O down for her first nap of the day! :)

1 comment:

IVMarz said...

I love your vulnerability in this post. That's why we all love you - because you are Real... and that's a breath of fresh air. I think it's wise to give yourself space to fully grieve because once it's done, it's easier to "go on" because you don't have anything you're trying to keep stuffed down! Yay for a husband who will stand with you in your range of you-ness. Oh, can I join in on working out?!?! I miss our workout days :o)